4+ months later

I was out to dinner tonight and I was talking about Gretchen and I still don't understand why she did what she did the night of her 28th birthday, or why she tried both times in high school and that time with Dave. I remember both high school times like it was yesterday and I can tell you about the whole day the first time she tried and my reaction when I found out she tried. I still can't believe she succeeded. I know my reactions the first two times. I couldn't imagine what Misha is going through...it's one thing to find her and being able to have my parents or Dave take her to the ER and it's another thing to find her and know there isn't anything left to do to save her.
I still can see the bathroom the first time she tried and it was worse than any horror movie I've ever seen. I didn't think one person had that much blood in their body. I didn't want my parents to have to come home and see the bathroom after taking her to the ER so I remember cleaning it all up....
Are you happy now Gretchen? You may be happy and content with your decision but you left everyone else wondering why, in pain and wondering was there anything any of us could have done to have saved you? Was there anything you could have done? If you were on your meds would you still be here today? Do you realize the pain you have caused with this?
I remember when you turned 25 you thought you were so old, well now your 2 years away from the big 3-0. What would you be saying now?
Why couldn't you have just gone to bed mad and woke up the next day and let it go.....whatever it was.......