This day gets no easier this year. I'm still sad and you have drifted so far out of sight if not mind. You would be 39. Instead you are always 28. My thoughts and heart are with anyone who survives the suicide of a close friend or family member. Can I do anything for you today in her memory? This interface is ever clunkier so please feel free to reach out. megan_m_young@hotmail.com or 610-772-0924.

Happy 38th Birthday

Happy 38th Birthday Gretchen. I still think about the what ifs; how could you be the happiest a friend saw you on your 28th birthday and then take your own life the next morning! I will never understand. When you moved to Prague and stopped talking to your family again, we figured it was just another phase you had to deal with in your own way and when you were ready you would let us know. Glad you had at least started talking to dad again. It's crazy you've been gone for 10 years, mom for 30 years and dad 5 months. Hope you're getting the time with mom and dad together that we've missed out on. Hope you're catching up with everyone in heaven, but you are missing out on so much here with your family and friends.

I have been thinking of Gretchen a lot with her 38th birthday coming up. She will never turn 38. Here's the song Misha wrote: http://www.icompositions.com/music/song.php?sid=54752. I'm too sad to write much more right now.

It's crazy to imagine in a few months we will hit the 10 year anniversary of Gretchen being gone.  I've been going through a lot of old family pictures to compile an album in memory of my dad for what would have been his 70th birthday in a few weeks.  The ones with my dad and Gretchen make me teary-eyed and I can only hope they are finally catching up and spending time with mom.  I know Gretchen started speaking to my dad a few months before she passed away.  At the time of her death, she wasn't speaking to me.  She had done it before and I thought when she was ready she would contact me.

Gretchen you have missed out on so much since you left us!!  You never knew I was engaged to John and obviously weren't at the wedding!  You have missed out on spoiling two nephews.  It's hard to believe Theo is 3 already and Kyle just turned 1.  You have missed birthdays, Kyle's baptism, and just seeing your two wonderful nephews grow up.  You missed a crazy 2016 with dad's thyroid cancer finally taking over his body.  He won't be buried with you and mom in Alabama but I hope you are catching up with him now.

Miss you!

Charlie Liu, from Hofstra, remembers Gretchen

Charlie found this page online a couple of weeks ago and wrote this peiece about his experience with Gretchen. Charlie, I'm sorry for the delay in posting - I was on a business trip. Thank you for writing and contributing to these memories. Best, Megan PS: You can find Charlie on Facebook if you want to reconnect with him. It’s funny what trigger memories in people’s mind. I found this page via google. At one time, I was Gretchen’s friend from Hofstra University (circa 1996, only for a short time as I will tell you more). I’m certain this is the Gretchen I knew because of the unfortunate scars on an otherwise picturesque individual. I know this is obvious, through your blog, I deduced that this beautiful person passed away and is with her mother in Alabama. It hurts to so much to hear that she committed suicide Here is my story of Gretchen… or at least of what I can remember (it has been 16 years). For me, it was sophomore year of college; I was getting acclimated to my surroundings and I saw this beautiful statuesque blonde girl with (from what I remember) a mesmerizing blue (or purple, can't seem to remember) lock of hair on the left side of her head. To me, she was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I know this sounds cheesy but, my heart skipped a beat when I saw her. I was a painfully shy person (when it came to girls) back then, but I was determined to meet this angel. So, I mustered up all of my courage to approach her. To my surprise, she was very warm and happy to meet me. We hit it off from day one and we spent a lot of time together (in all honesty, it was about 2 months, but as a 19 year old in love, it was forever). We talk and smoked cigarettes a lot together. I remember she told me she liked to ice skate, so I found the only ice rink open at the time (it was about 30 miles away, mind you it was early late September). She started to spend a lot of time with this older frat guy (I can’t remember his name) and I saw less and less of her. Remember, I was extremely shy back then, so I was unable to able to express my feelings towards her. It was killing me to see that the girl of my dreams was being swooped off her feet by this guy. I tried and tried to win her back, but as a young girl first time being away from home, she fell for the partying college life rather than the awkward guy (I went to an all boys catholic school in NYC). After a few weeks of not hearing from her, I called her out on it. To this day, I can remember the conversation… “I feel like I’m losing a friend. You don’t know how I crazy you make me feel. If there was a star bright enough in the sky that would merit your name, I would call it Gretch.” (Yeah I was super lame back then). She said if this was the way I felt then so be it, we can’t be friends. She was seeing this guy (I think his name was Dave… there are a million Dave or Davids on Long Island). I saw her on campus once or twice after that, but it was never the same. Looking back, I guess she did the right thing, because I would have lived my college life pinening for her and she would have just strung me along if she did not cut ties with me back then. It’s crazy how 16 years later, I can still picture this wonderful girl with her blue “my little pony” streak down her beautiful blonde hair. I feel like this is a “Wonder Years” flash back right now… Where is Fred Savage! HAHAHA! I know it’s hard, but through your blog, Gretchen lives on. Please continue with your endeavors.

Something started me thinking about Gretchen tonight, so I went back and read all of the posts. Christine, Langdon, Dave, Shawn, Gregg. I still don't have anything to say except that I am sorry. For all of us. And that I wish we had the chance to see her live up to all of her potential.

5 years

So, yes, it's been that, and she's missed. I still can't quite figure out what happened. It wasn't a conspiracy. She didn't get involved with something in Prague that led her to this. This is not the plot of a novel. It just is what it is, and that's the saddest thing to realize.

At least she's out of her pain.

I wish there had been a better way for her to get there.

32

Happy 32nd Birthday. You would have been 32 today.

It's been a while

Nothing else. Just that.

I haven't forgotten about her.

Happy 30th, Gretchen

You would have been officially old on Saturday.