Been a while since I visited this page. I missed all the get togethers on Long Island as well. I admit, part of me did it on purpose. After all these months, I have yet to shed a single tear over her. I keep waiting for it to hit, and it never does. At the same time, I don't want it to. So, I "forgot" about the get togethers, failed to find a sitter for my son, and forgot the link to this page. I've even avoided getting wings at Hooters, since some of my best memories of Gretchen were there. Pretending it didn't happen was far too easy for me.

There were times Gretchen and I saw eachother nearly every day. Working, shopping, going out, and hanging out, all the while relentlessly making fun of anyone to cross our paths. Then, she'd disappear for a while. I'd hear rumors, whispers about where she was, but when she reappeared I never questioned her. Never let her know I had an inkling about what really happened. I figured if she wanted me to know she'd tell me, and for now I'll ignore it. The fun we had was more important. At least, it was until the next time she disappeared, and the worry would set in again.

When she told me she was going to move to Prague that worry was there. A lot had happened recently. Friends she was closer to then she was with me have left her. People I knew she spoke to about the darker, lower parts of her life, the parts she kept from me, were gone. Still, I bit my tongue. I wasn't supposed to know. I let her happiness over the move infect me, and I wished her luck in all she did. We exchanged ICQ's, emails, and she started her livejournal. I went and had a baby, and any worry for her fell into the background. Aside from occasional comments through livejournal, we lost touch.

Months went by, and suddenly I got a phone call. I told myself it was a rumor. A joke. That's what I wanted to believe. She's just in Prague. She lost touch with me, as we had a habit of doing. Nothing is wrong. By then, I was used to pretending nothing was wrong. Still, I knew it was true as I posted in her livejournal, begging her to email, call, text, ANYTHING. The confirmation was made, but it was still easier to pretend. She'll reappear, just as happy, hyper and infectous as before.

That's not going to happen of course. That's what needs to hit. I think I'm going to go get those wings I've been avoiding and craving. Look at the photos they have of her there, and maybe something will hit when I get home.